Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
sex in a hospital.. check
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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