I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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