Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
