I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
