If i come over, it means nothing
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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