note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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