the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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