if i can run in heels then i can drive
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
