So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
