I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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