people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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