i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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