I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
