i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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