I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
