I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
