the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I party with great urgency now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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