Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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