I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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