i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
