Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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