Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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