we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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