My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
