Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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