I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
