So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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