when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
