he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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