I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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