I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
