She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
