Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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