hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i think i have two assholes
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
