people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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