yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My vagina just recognized that song.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
