if i can run in heels then i can drive
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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