I cut my penus on the lid.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
