Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
two words...techno handjob
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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