i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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