Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
