I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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