why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
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It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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