Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize