just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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