Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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