My first STD was from a foam party
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
how drunk are you?
Several
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
