In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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