Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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