No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize