capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
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You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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