I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
