Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
