I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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