just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
