if i died would you start the facebook group?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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