Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I touched a dick in church today
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