i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
