Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
