Yo dont text me then not text me
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
