very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
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Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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