I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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