No stitches, just platelets and will power
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
