Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
