Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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