Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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