I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
