i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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